With This Life
by Celeste K. Raven
Summary: Most of Starclan didn't want to give Tigerstar his nine lives. Honestly, Tigerstar hadn't been all that eager to visit them either. One-shot.


**Warning - This story contains spoilers for the entire first series. You have been warned!**

* * *

''We do not have the right to deny a leader his lives,'' Bluestar said to Yellowfang.

The elderly she-cat's hackles did not relax. ''He does not have the right to announce himself leader. He wasn't born in Shadowclan!''

Trees swayed and creaked over their heads. The evening breeze scattered leaves over Starclan's territory; the last glowing streams of sunlight were disappearing quickly.

''Fireheart wasn't born in Thunderclan, yet do we not hope to receive him as Firestar in the near future?''

''That is a different situation entirely,'' Yellowfang said darkly. ''Fireheart has proven his loyalty to Thunderclan; Tigerclaw can't name half the Shadowclan cats.''

''Yet they accept him as their leader,'' Lepordfoot interjected stiffly, clawing her way up a thick branch so she could be eye-level with the two she-cats.

Yellowfang starred into Lepordfoot's green eyes. _We are not so different, you know. We're both the mothers of murderers, _one part of her mind said. The other insisted; _she is arrogant and blind with love. _

''I know this.'' _Shadowclan did not have qualms about accepting Brokentail either. _''I want to come too.''

''You have no right,'' Lepordfoot hissed in alarm. ''You were not significant in his life!''

''He became significant in mine when he tore Thunderclan to shreds around me.''

Bluestar hopped down from her sunning spot. ''Enough of this! He approaches the stone.''

''I suppose the kits will come too,'' Lepordfoot grumbled, following the ex-leader's steps.

Two eyes flashed over a blue-gray shoulder. ''They are his siblings; it is their right.''

* * *

''Come forward,'' Runningnose insisted, tail flicking in the direction of the Moonstone.

There was a tightness in Tigerclaw's chest. He loathed the Mothermouth and its darkness, so heavy with stars and spirits. A hole in the roof provided the only light in the cave, and it was not enough. He could have sworn that his other senses were muted as well. All clear thoughts were driven from his head by the closeness of Starclan.

He slunk toward the Moonstone, unable to lift his head before its glimmering shape. One paw in front of the other, in front of the other, in front of the other…

His brown head bumped into something solid. He closed his eyes and thrust his muzzle forward, making contact with the stone. A biting chill settled into his bones. He limited his breathing as much as possible, as if to prevent heat from sneaking out his nostrils.

He had expected a sudden exhaustion to overcome him when Starclan called. Instead Tigerclaw was filled with a sense of… rightness. Something had been done, and it had been done correctly. His eyelids flickered open of their own accord.

Four oaks scraped the sky above him. The world was dark, but this was not the pregnant darkness of Mothermouth. The sun had gone down, but it was sure to rise against in a couple of hours. He was in Fourtrees*.

The sight of the familiar place was no comfort. The feeling of wholeness had left him; something was amiss. He twirled around, trying to give it a name. Side to side, up, down… up.

_There should be more stars in the sky,_ Tigerclaw thought vaguely. _Some of them are missing._

''We are the missing stars, I believe.''

Several familiar voices spoke as one; a group of cats traveled toward him. Their pelts were bright and hazy at the same time. He had trouble concentrating on them.

''Are you prepared to receive your nine lives?'' they questioned.

Tigerclaw battled the dizziness inside his head. ''I was- was born ready.''

''I know you were,'' someone hummed. Lepordfoot padded up to his side and rubbed her sleek pelt against his. ''You have grown so beautifully.''

His paws shuffled as she circled him. Her eyes swept across him lovingly. He had not expected such a personal reception. She stop in front of him and touched his nose with hers. ''With this life I give you protection, so that the tooth that meets its mark will not mark _you_.''

His eyes narrowed at this odd statement, but there was no time for any other reaction before the pain hit. It was as if every wound he had ever received had suddenly reopened. His body convulsed; the agony snaked around ever part of him- and there was healing. He felt the phantom wounds close completely, in a way that neither time or herbs could have provoked. The protection had settled in.

''I gave you life once before,'' Lepordfoot murmured. ''Last time it hurt me more than it hurt you.''

She slipped back into the cluster of Starclan cats.

The next person to approach him was Pinestar. Tigerclaw reflectively opened his jaws to hiss at the sight of his cowardly father, but they snapped closed at the last minute. Violence was not to be committed in this place.

''With this life I give you certainty. Use it and know that you have gone too far to turn back.''

Muzzles touched and pain erupted, but this time Tigerclaw was prepared for it, and he fought against it. He thought that maybe it left a couple moments sooner.

Bluestar was next. He met her with callous eyes and a head held high. She starred at him like he had just failed his hunting assessment. ''With this life I give you sanity. I hope that none around you have to suffer for your brokenness. ''

He thought that the glowing Starclan cat's outline was sharper after he received her life.

The Starclan cats stirred uneasily when Bluestar returned to them. Their glowing bodies, pressed so close together, made his head swim.

_''Who is next,''_ their voices echoed. Tigerclaw didn't know if they he was hearing their thoughts or if they had purposefully said that loud. An irritating buzz filled Tigerclaw's head. His unusually long claws churned the ground beneath his paws. Finally a tiny gray body broke off from the group.

_A kit? Kits do not belong in Starclan…_

''Do you remember me?''

The kit was a female.

''I am your sister Mistkit. With this life I give you honestly, because tricking Bluestar was really mean.''

She had to stand up on her back legs to reach Tigerclaw's nose. She smelled like the nursery, and like Thunderclan, and like Lepordfoot. Tigerclaw thought he could remember Mistkit sitting next to her sister… yes, he had had a darker sibling… it was raining…

He shook his large head, trying to clear the pain, both physical and mental. _There is no use dwelling on the past. _

His fifth live was given to him by the darker lost sibling, Nightkit. She bounced right up to Tigerclaw and shoved her shiny nose in his face. He jerked backward.

''With this life I give you the simplicity of a kit; you tend to overthink things,'' she announced proudly.

It didn't hurt at all. A warm feeling irrupted in his soul, not unlike the rightness. For a few moments he knew what it was like to lick snowflakes off his nose. He watched Thunderclan warriors wrestle and felt his body wriggle with anticipation. He shouldered his sisters aside, hoping for a dribble of Lepordfoot's milk.

Tigerclaw found himself willing the sensation to stay, but it faded anyway. Another kit ambled toward him across the swaying grass.

_And so the Great Tigerstar receives his nine lives from kits! There's a reason no leader ever talks about their ceremony. _

This kit had a scent full of memories also, but it only reminded him of one solitary thing. A she-cat; Sasha.

''Who are you?'' Tigerclaw whispered.**

He –the kit was definitely a tom- settled himself at Tigerclaw's feet, but his nose was not extended to give him a life. There was an awkward moment before Tigerclaw realized that the kit wanted him to smell him. He leaned forward and took a hesitant sniff.

Sasha.

Kits; two kits Tigerclaw didn't recognize.

A clean, fishy smell.

Oh, Sasha…

Himself.

''I've known your scent since birth; I'm glad I know what you look like now,'' said the kit. ''I am your son. Sasha named me Tadpole.''

An icy claw griped the larger tom. ''You don't smell like Starclan…''

The kit's voice was gentle and steady. Its slowness -its _sadness_- suggested tragedy. Tigerclaw wanted to know how Tadpole had died, but he didn't dare ask.

''I don't walk with Starclan, but they've allowed me to come to you today. I live somewhere else; somewhere nice.''

Tigerclaw opened to his mouth to ask if the kit was all alone in his ''someplace nice'', but Tadpole leaned forward and pressed his nose against Tigerclaw's.

''With this life I give you compassion, so that you will remember the kits you left behind.''

Bramblepaw. Tawnypaw. _My children- I must go back for… my children. _A deep seated aching filled his heart. _I left them. I have to go get them_ right now_. _

''**Stop**.''

The word pounded in Tigerclaw's head. He fell back into a sitting position, gasping for breath. A lithe, dappled body had barred his way to… where? He was stuck in-between a bush and his former clanmate.

_Compassion. Any virtue in the world, and he curses me with compassion. _

Redtail blinked; his face was so close that Tigerclaw could count his whiskers.

''With this life I give you boldness. May you have the mettle to look your next victim in the eye.''

_I will, _Tigerclaw thought, feeling empowered. This life was fiery, powerful. _I will look the next fool in the eye. _

_Maybe the next fool will be Fireheart. _

The Starclan cats murmured discontentedly in response to Redtail's words. Somehow this pleased Tigerclaw even more. He padded a small ways away from the foliage. He had almost worked up the cheek to ask where his next life was when a honey-scented breeze caught his attention.

''You are too bitter about the past.''

Warm, sugary breath tickled his ear. Spottedleaf. _Oh joy, another cat with a need for vengeance._

''Perhaps that is our fault. We cannot forget any better than we can forgive; memories are all we have here.''

''Get on with it,'' he whispered.

She rubbed her nose against his in a motherly way. ''With this life I give you hope. Use it to make a decent future for Shadowclan.''

Lights danced before his eyes. Shinning, happy lights. Spottedleaf was gone by the time they disappeared. _That was… slightly underwhelming. _

''Only one more life to give,'' Spottedleaf's bodiless voice said. Tigerclaw cringed, startled.

''Over here, pretty kitty,'' wheezed an arrogant she-cat.

Yellowfang… _What is she doing here? I barely knew her. _

The Starclan cats appeared, for the first time, anxious. Tigerclaw had been ignoring them because their glowing bodies made him dizzy, but their pacing and swaying was suddenly hard to ignore.

_She had broken some kind of rule by being here, _he realized. He sneered inwardly. _Shouldn't Starclan make their own rules?_

She approached him confidently, dull fur rustling in the wind. He breathed deeply when she pressed her nose against his, trying to catch a scent of Shadowclan. There was none to be smelt.

The Starclan cats were still shuffling, agitated. Tigerclaw flicked one ear in annoyance. _Are they trying to disrupt the ceremony? _

Yellowfang didn't hesitate.

''With this life I give you failure so that the forest may know peace again.''

A quick, sickening sensation filled all of Tigerclaw's consciousness. He was falling, falling faster than should've been possible.

''_Foxdung_,'' Lepordfoot was screaming. ''Yellowfang, you filthy, clan-switching…''

Eyes were watching him from every side. There was a rock in his stomach, a boulder! Too much pressure on his throat.

''… dare to soil Starclan's gift…''

''Lepordfoot, _do not touch her,'' _Bluestar screeched.

His neck seared with pain. Claws raked his upper body. The blood poured, sudden and suffocating.

**He.**

**Couldn't.**

**Breath.**

* * *

''Can you stand?''

Tigerstar's muscular body was slick with sweat. The fur on his chin was matted with blood. No, drool.

Runningnose starred down at him stupidly. Fear-scent tainted the air. ''You were squirming and screeching, I… did you meet with Starclan?''

''Yes,'' His voice was hoarse. Tigerstar's tongue was swelled and stinging where his teeth had been clenched around it. ''I am Tigerstar now.''

* * *

*** Firestar went to Fourtrees to recive his nine lives, but I wasn't sure if every cat did that. Does anybody know for sure?**

**** After writing this I found out that Tigerstar appeared to Sasha in a dream after Tadpole died, so he must have known who Tadpole was. Call it a creative liberty. :)**

**I've writen another one-shot about Tigerstar called _Family Time_. I really enjoy his character, so they'll probably be more to come. Comments, Compliments and Constuctive Critism is appreciated. I do not live in Thunderclan, I don't need flames. **

**Write On!**


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